The enormity of being done

Today I took my final for my very last college class to complete my bachelors degree. While I don't have a grade on it yet (it was a written essay on a crime scene), the realization that, as of 11am today, I was done with school as I know it and two and a half short weeks away from officially being a college graduate... the feeling is something that I'm not sure how to described. I have stressed, laughed, cried, ranted, pissed and moaned, and thoroughly enjoyed the last three years of school. Well, technically four years, but I took almost a year off when I got out of the military because I had to wait for the VA to catch up to me. =) Regardless of time, the point is that I have done it. I have started at the bottom and worked, sweat, laughed, and cried my way through a four year degree. Even better? Wait, let me guess, you're wondering how it can get better... let me tell you! I have managed to earn and maintain the GPA required to graduate with honors AND I have been accepted into Alpha Phi Sigma. Yup, it can get better.

I just can't believe I'm done.....

..... for now. =)

"I'm just blessing the candles, Mommy."

On Saturday afternoon, after spending the morning at Goddess Fest and looking through the closing Borders store at our mall, my two friends Trisha and Arrin, my daughter, and I went to the Crones Cupboard- one of our local occult stores. Typically, I buy my chime candles there, so my wee one is use to going to the section to "help" me pick out my candles. As it happened, I wasn't in the market for anything on Saturday, and was just browsing while my friends took care of some business of their own. I walked into the candle area and was checking out a Goddess Brigit candle that they have there, when Jae came up and started man handling all the votive's on the bottom shelf. I looked at her and told her we had to leave them there, as we didn't need to buy any candles today. Then I turned around a looked over a few other items around that area. When I turned around to check on Jae, she was standing next to the candles with a votive candle cupped in her hand and was talking to it. I watched her put it down and pick up a brown one and start the process over again. I couldn't make out everything she was saying, but I was picking up phrases like "mother goddess" and "move the Earth". I asked her what she was doing, and to my astonishment, as well as that of my friends, she looked at me and said, "I'm just blessing the candles, Mommy". She then proceeded to bless one candle of every remaining color before she was ready to leave that section of the store. Even thinking about it now, several days later, I'm amazed at the ability and intuition of my almost 3 year old little girl. She is a force to reckon with, and whoever ends up with those candles are in for one hell of a magical ride!

Why you gotta be pissing in my cheerios?

It's just been one of those damn days. Really, there are a couple people walking around with some severely singed ass hairs that I doubt will be growing back any time soon. If there is one thing that I can't stand, it is people that decide that, if you don't live like they do, or make the same sacrifices as they, that you are a lesser human being that deserves to be belittled and preached out about the need to grow up and be "responsible". To that I say, guess what- no one here is interested in your apparent saint like life.... go tend to your precious volunteer work.

Sorry... I just needed to vent and get that off my chest.

In other news, my yard is going to be sailing in a couple weekends... well, not really, but I'm hoping that the items I put out on it will be sailing away and leaving behind some cash. =) We've decided to have a yard sale the first weekend in August, just to clear out what we have that we know we're planning on getting rid of, and have another one next year after Stephen gets home. It's been forever since I've done a yard sale.. in fact, I can remember the last one.. I was still in high school and mom and I did a sale... M was there with her two kids and I got a wicked sunburn on my scalp because I had the pig tail braids going on and didn't think to put sunscreen on that little strip of delicate skin. Lesson learned- I will NEVER make that mistake again!!

It's another late night tonight, as I'm finding myself wide awake for some unknown reason. So, I'm sitting downstairs typing and watching a show on Investigation Discovery about the top 10 deadliest women. Great late night viewing, I know. =) The number two killer is of extreme interest to me... the kind that give pagans a bad name... 14 year old Catholic raised girl that goes goth and starts dating a "300 year old werewolf" and does a ritual and kills her parents and brother. *sigh* Gotta have one in every crowd I suppose... doesn't make it suck any less.

Tomorrow is Goddess Fest.. our local pagan gathering in we have here. Planning on being up in Boise by 10 so that I'm in time for the opening walk of the goddess. Stephen, unfortunately, has a paper to write, so Jae and I will be heading up to give him a quiet house to work in. I'm looking forward to it- I always have fun there and run into people that I haven't seen in ages. I suppose I should try to go to bed... again... so I'm not out of energy come tomorrow morning. Nighty nite everyone. Goddess Bless!

Sleepless in Idaho...

Well, it's 11:30pm and here I am... sitting in front of the computer because I can't sleep. Yes, I know that 11:30 isn't late for many, but for me, it is well past my bedtime. I decided, since I can't seem to get my brain to shut down long enough to attempt to sleep, that I would come write out everything that is on my mind...

In 30 minutes, millions of people on MST will be enjoying the midnight viewing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt 2. Lucky bastards. I remember when I use to be energetic enough to deal with the crowds and madness of midnight showings... it been awhile now. =) As it stands though, I can't wait to go see that movie, which I intend to do next week when it won't be quite so hectic (crowds make me extremely nervous now for whatever reason).

My hubby will be leaving for CST training in just over 3 months, before leaving the states on a six month deployment to the sandbox. He and I have a lot of things happening in the next 3 months... two vacations- one to Philadelphia, PA (1 week) and the other to San Juan (2 weeks), my graduation, his birthday, our daughters birthday, two camping trips, Goddess Fest, sabbats, and a myriad of other things. It is going to be insane. When he gets home next June, we plan on putting the house up for sale... the market is still shitty around here and we would rather the house sell while he is still active duty than us have to sit on a mortgage payment for a year after he retires and we move away. This is largely what has been on my mind... I think that I will go get us a storage room at the beginning of next month, so that we can start packing things and putting them away slowly over the next year, this way the house will be easier to maintain when it is open for walk throughs. I'm also hoping that, prior to his departure, we can finish getting the tile in the upstairs bathroom put on the wall (a decorative border by the tub), though I don't know if time will allow for that... After he returns we will also need to complete the downstairs bathroom remodel, the few minor finishes to the wood flooring we put in, as well as other standard maintenance. At some point, new carpet will also need to go into the few places that still have carpet. I'm so thankful my parents live close by, as my dad is a whizz with house repairs and fix ups! I would like to have a massive yard sale next July/August as well... the less I have to pack up and move, the happier I will be.

My mom and I are suppose to be finding an official location for the bakery this fall/winter as well. The goal is to have the bakery up and running 6 months prior to Stephen retiring... then we won't have to worry about the "in between time". He can retire, and we'll already have an income source without him needing to find a job. He can come be happy and bake, like he has expressed the desire to do. On that note, I am forever in need of guinea pigs when it comes to new baking experiments. If you would like to be one, please let me know. Mom and I want to do mostly cookies, with select pastries, muffins, and other treats. This won't be your sit down barista type of bakery, but the walk in, buy what you need, maybe get a cup of regular coffee, tea, or soda, and head back out. There was a bakery like  that where I went to high school. You could never go there without it be packed. It was still like that when I went back to visit in March. Anyway... the next cookie on my experiment list is called "breakfast on the go". Not like those Oatmeal on the go cookies though... this one will be WAY different, including, but not limited to, having bacon in it. Yup, bacon. YUMMY! I'm looking forward to being done with school and having the time to back something new everyday.

I think that about sums up everything that has been circling my brain... hopefully I will be able to go get some sleep now. Sweet dreams to everyone out there.

Blessings both light and dark.

A Newly Formed Decision

As seems to be the case as of late, I have been absent for a decent length of time. I'm really hoping that, when I finish my final class with school this month, that my "free time" for writing will increase and my stress level will decrease! Now that I'm down to one class though, I'm at least finding my days slightly more manageable then they have been in the past year.

Anyway.. I'm not here to go on about school. Honestly I'd rather not think about it constantly (even though I normally do).

So I have decided, finally decided,that is time for me to step down from my circle. There is finally someone there who is willing and able to take the circle over. I have not confided any of this in the rest of the circle, as I don't want to deal with the - "we don't want to loose you nonsense." The transition will take place around Samhain, as something in my brain is telling me that that is the appropriate time for this. I had an interesting chat with Isis, in regarded to my path and, oddly enough, my name. In the years that have passed since we did the magical name ritual, I have come to realize that who I am is no longer who I was and the name I was given is no longer my own. I was asking Isis about it, when I would know what my name was to become, as a priestess to multiple goddess, and where to go with these new changes. She, in her eloquent way, told me that I would not discover my new name until I freed myself from the role that was no longer mine to have and doing nothing more than holding me back from where I am meant to be. So, yeah, that is where I am at now. In addition to that, I have found myself as a part of a circle in Boise, one was started by a wonderful old crone who left another group after seeing what a load of crapola they were trying to pass off as a goddess path. The two of us and two other women are the whole group, and it is so wonderful and empowering to work with these ladies who are true to themselves and their craft instead of being bogged down by those who are content to be stagnant in their spirituality and more concerned about who has the better story, the funnier joke, or whatever. We typically meet twice a month, once for coffee, talk, and a "business meeting" and again at the end of the month for a goddess ritual. Last month we had a ritual with the goddess Juno, and next month we will be working with the goddess Oya. It's so wonderful and I feel so at home there, something I haven't felt at the base circle in a very long time. I've watched myself become more recluse with each passing month, and I don't like that... It shouldn't be that way, and wouldn't be if I thought circle was of any spiritual benefit anymore. I can say I'm looking forward to Samhain. And to answer a question I'm sure you've wondered at, no, I will not be going back to the circle for any reason. Should the new leader need advise or counsel, that is one thing, but I Will not go back t be a member to the circle after spending the past two years running it, loving it, and hating it.

Now, I'm not trying to bash the circle here, just that it is simply no longer my place. It happens. It will be hard, to be sure, but it is also necessary.

Just thought I would share this!

Brightest Blessings to you all!