kindred spirit

I  am a part of many online communities for those that follow the pagan path,  which ever one it may be.  I  know some people in those groups from past circles here,  and some are new  acquaintances.  Tonight,  as I was partaking in a discussion on the use of magic in certain situations, I  realized how much I miss having a magical family here.  For the most part,  all those I  knew,  trusted and practiced with have moved on (the way of the military),  and the few that remain I  rarely see,  as we are all forever busy it seems. I  love being a solitary witch,  but I  dearly miss the friendship and companionship of having a like mind to talk with,  craft with,  and work beautiful magic with.

*le sigh*

The urge to Bite, Scream, and Curse people into oblivion.

For the most part, I am a live and let live kind of person. I don't have a lot of close friends, and those that are, I treasure. I prefer it that way. I don't do maintenance- when I'm busy, I'm busy- I'll be around when and if I can find time. Those that have stuck around, know that I hold true to that, even if we go months without talking because I'm always off working on something or chasing down a child, driving to doctors appointments or whatever else my busy life entails. Now, while my friends are few and far between, I know a rather unfortunate amount of people. I maintain a stance of not getting involved with their lives because, quite frankly, I have enough to be getting on with and my own life and have no time to concern myself with theirs. However, if the choices of these individuals start to effect my life, bitches best watch out because I will fix the issue in whatever way it needs to be, forcefully if necessary. Luckily, these situations don't often occur. Now is not one of those times though. There is a woman, one I wish I didn't know and who shall remain nameless, that is acting in away that is not only effecting me, but effecting my family and my ability to provide for them in the best way possible. This is not the first time this woman has done so either. Aside from wanting to beat her and curse her into a blob of snot, I have finally hit the point where magic is about to fly, some of which will not be pretty, and I will MAKE her fix her shit and leave us the hell alone. The full moon is on the 19th- game on after that. I have put together a few wonderful spells that I am working on collecting a few odds and ends for, but the main ingredient is my four thieves vinegar, which is one of the best brews I've ever made. It is so handy, for so many things!

Now, before I close this out, I would like to say that not only do I acknowledge, but I rejoice in those of you who follow the Wiccan Rede "And harm ye none, do what ye will". I however do not fall into this category and will occasionally rip someone a new one with every ounce of magical ability that I have within me. So, it is perfectly acceptable if you have read this and do not agree with my course of action, but it is  also not open to debate and opinion (at this time), respectfully. =)

A fresh start to a new outlook

First off, I want to say thank you to those who have commented on my posts, despite the age and length of my absence. Your kind words and thoughts have helped to snap me back into pieces of my old life that I want to continue with instead of weed out like I did with everything else.

I have been wanting to write on here again for some time- but, quite honestly, two kids (one of which is now only two months old), graduate school, and plain old house work have kept me busier than I like to be. Even now I should be working on my final that is due tonight, but everyone deserves a break!

The road of my life in the past year and a half of my absence has been full of turbulence, disappointment, and unprecedented joy. I will not sit here and recap it all, as that would take far more time than I can spare at this moment; but I would like to say after a year of neglecting my spirit and soul, I have finally started to find my peace again and have even started dreaming about deity once more. I am about to celebrate my one year anniversary with the man of my dreams, the one who I could not live without. I have a beautiful daughter who will be five next month and an amazing son who is now two months and two days old. He is a summer solstice baby. =)

I've learned more about myself than I thought possible, and I also learned more about others than I wanted to at times. But, the bottom line is, I'VE LEARNED.

I will be back on here again, now that I feel that I can. =) Again, thank you to those who have kept coming and reading. You are amazing. =)

A new blogger!

I would like to ask you all to go check out this new blog:
http://irishrogue13.blogspot.com/

My little sister is new to her path and has started her own blog. As I remember well from when I just started mine, I know she would be thrilled to have some visitors and your kind remarks that you're all always so good with!

Thank you everyone! Brightest Blessings!

My oh my... what a mind!

I went to go lay down and take a nap while Jae was napping, and discovered that my mind is absolutely refusing to shut the hell up. So, now I'm here, hoping that writing will help me take a load off.


Last week was was weird on many counts, but as the trip was made due to my grandmother, I suppose I should start there...
I haven't seen my grandma in, roughly, 19 years, and have only spoken to her once, shortly after my daughter was born. She lived very much like a nomad, surviving off little income and the land; moving to new places frequently. It seemed like she always had to be mad at someone, and more often than not, took that anger out on her children- unless they had something to offer of course. She was bipolar and, in my opinion, suffered from borderline personality disorder. I remember, during the time that she lived with us, her having wonderful lucid moments where she was a "real grandma". Playing with me, and, more specifically, letting me ply with her auto harp. I was never very good at it, with my clumsy 7 year old fingers, but she was amazingly skilled, especially for a self taught player.  Then there were her "bad days" which seemed to outnumber the good. This was when she lost her temper easily, and you never knew what would set her over the edge. When my mom confronted her about doing her part in household upkeep, my grandma got blazing mad and moved out. That was the last I saw of her.

In going through her things as we cleaned out her trailer, I can say that not much changed for her. She had learned how to use her words like a knife, and keep herself composed instead of flying off the handle. True to form, she kept meticulous files on everything in her life (including her ex-husbands- LOL!), as well as the handwritten drafts of numerous letters she had written over the years. Through those letters and the medical files we found, we were able to piece together that she was originally told back in 2007 that she had a heart condition that needed monitoring. In particular, it was an irregular arrhythmia. She basically told the doctor that he was wrong. Now, back in May of 2010 she was told again that she had this condition and in the letter from the doctor, he specifically stated that people can drop dead from this at any moment without proper monitoring and medication. Now, I'm not a huge medication activist or anything, but a heart condition is a serious thing... So, with this letter from the doctor, we found my grandma's response- in which she called him an ass hole and said that 90% of the time she was the smartest person in the room and could take care of herself. Yup, that's the grandma I remember. Then, what do you know, just like the doctor warned her about, she literly dropped dead five months later.

We spent a whole day cleaning out her trailer, then tended to settling everything with the funeral home and ordered her a headstone. She was cremated and buried in the state graveyard and, despite the desolate feeling of the graveyard, she has an amazing view. My mom, grandfather, and I drank to her memory, and poured wine over her grave for libation. I buried a blue candle for peace into her grave, along with a beautiful stone (sodalite) and a letter I had written to her the night before.  As we toasted her one last time for her brother and sister, who could not be present and I covered my letter, there was a sudden  gust of wind which cause a dust devil right over her grave then immediately dissipated. It's been dubbed the "wind hug" by mom and I.

There was little value, if any, in the few things that we took from her trailer and kept. But, it is done with and my grandma, I believe, is finally at peace.

A Discovery of Death

I got a call from my mom tonight to let me know that my grandmother has passed away. For a little bit of family background, I have not seen my grandmother since the age of ten, and the only time I've talked to her was shortly after my daughter was born and she sent a ten dollar check so I could get her something. My grandmother, by her own choice, segregated herself from her entire family. That being said, after my mother told me that she passed away, she proceeded to tell me that it apparently happened back on October 1st, 2010. The only reason we found out was because my great uncle, grandma's brother, was calling the family to find out who was going to be responsible for cleaning out her home and taking care of her belongings. Yeah, that pissed me off a wee-bit, but that is not the point of this blog... I have, or had rather, no sense of connection to my grandma, and no real love outside of the fact that she is family. As I sit here and type this, I can feel within my soul that my grandmother died as she lived, a very lonely and sad woman that felt the world was against her. So, I write... I write this to ask for help because, in all my time on this path, I have never had to deal with something quite like this. I have already planned a small candle memorial for her, but I know there is something more I should be doing to help guide her soul to the other side so that she may find peace and be reborn into what is hopefully a happier life. However, whether my mind is fogged due to the heavy amount of cold medication I'm on (cause you know that right now is the PERFECT time to be sick), or for one of many other reasons, I seem to be falling short in the "what to do now" area. Any suggestions would be welcomed....