Musings and a question

So, I have a question for all my blogger-ites out there...

Have any of you ever had someone very dear to you suddenly walk out of your life, with real no explanation, then show up again suddenly after a good deal of time? What do you do? This person was my dearest friend in the world, one of few I can remember past lives with and that I cared for like a sister. She was my priestess. Last November, she just up and left. When I asked why, the answer I received was vague and has, to this day, left a hole in me. Recently, she has reappeared in my life through mutual friends. And while I have been hesitant of direct contact, I finally decided that if I did not ask the one question that has threatened to eat me alive, I would never be able to lay her absence in my life to rest. Who ever said that two people needed to walk the same path in order to be friends? I have yet to receive a reply, but am sure I will over the next few days. Perhaps it is foolish of me, but I felt that I had to relieve the weight of this from my chest once and for all, regardless of the outcome. I would like to lay it to rest at Samhain, so that I can start the new year with a fresh outlook and a healed, though scared, wound from the loss of her in my life.

Have any of you ever experienced this? What did you do? As I recently explained, I don't have many close friends, which means that those I consider such are so special to me that I feel as though a part of me broke with her departure, especially at that point in my life. I'll just be glad to have closure.. even if we never speak again.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

...and biting into one to decided if you like it or not is perfectly acceptable.

 Hopefully my attempt to "make a funny" at least made you smile. =)

Seriously though. How many times has someone said to you, "Well THAT'S not how you do it," or "You CAN'T do it that way." Well, let me tell you something... you can do whatever you damn well please. Now, that's not to say I will approve of your condone actions that violate certain moral laws/ethics, but it's the honest truth... all you have to do is pick up that chocolate, take a bite, and decide whether or not you like it. Sometimes you may spit right out and wonder what the hell you were thinking, other times you may give it a few nibbles, and decide to reserve judgement until a later point. Oh, and lets not forget those time were you try it, love it, and do it all over again. (Yes ladies, you know what I'm talking about!)

What I'm getting at is that who you are and how your walk your spiritual path is entirely up to you. What works for me, may not work for you, but we can still learn from each other and grow on our paths by expanding knowledge and understanding of the self and others. Really, you can never learn too much... for myself, if a day goes by that I don't learn something new, I will consider the day a sad one indeed (good thing I usually learn something new everyday!).

What do you like to do when you're prepping for a ritual or spell work? What's your niche? We know tools aren't a necessity, but often function as an extension of self... do you have a favorite? Something that you always find yourself using or doing?

Me? I love incense. Really. It doesn't matter if I'm meditating, in ritual, dream walking or just doing my night time ritual of thanks. I always have incense. I have two main altars in the house... the big one, which is in my room, and a smaller one in the living room. There is a good stock of incense for both that has to be regularly replenished. And I love candles. Mmmmm... especially ones I've made myself. I have other objects which are sacred to me (like my wand- which was the very first tool I owned/made and came to me from the bowels of the sea), and while they have a place of honor on my altar(s), still, I most frequently use the incense...

What am I?

Well, let me start by telling you what I'm not.. I'm not any one thing. =)

So, I got to thinking tonight (in the shower of course... my place of deep thought!) about titles and labels and how they apply to the path. Every now and again I get that question... you know.. the whole "what religion are you" question. The question doesn't bother me, but the lack of clarity to the answer. My standard answer for the general public is "Pagan", for those that know me better, I will normally tell them I am a Witch or a Goddess Follower. But, the more I think about it, the more I realize just how inadequate all those answers are. The term Pagan, much like the term Christian, is an umbrella term that covers a wide variety of paths and beliefs. Granted, there is a lot more diversity in the pagan scheme of things, but you get the drift! Many people seem to not understand the diversity of that term, and automatically associate it with Wicca. Now, I'm not hating on Wicca, in fact, I follow the Wicca wheel of the year, as well as many other practices. BUT, I'm not a Wiccan. I've used the term eclectic in the past, as that was the only thing I could seem to "fit" into, but I'm learned that the term doesn't suit me.

Now, you're probably wondering why titles and names or whatever mean so much to me... well, to be honest, I'm not sure I can tell you why.... I suppose the need to self express without having to need a prepared speech is always nice...

At any rate... so, I've been thinking and pondering and reviewing my spirituality... all I have been, from what I came from, to everything I am now and the continuing new experiences and places I go. I am Witch, Buddhist, Goddess Worshiper, Naturalist, Druid... There really are a lot of "names" that I fall under, but the need to simplify it is a strong urge for me. All that being said, the only term I can think of is one that has already been coined...

Spiritualist.

Now this word has several meanings, but the definition most commonly associated with it is this: "One who believes in direct intercourse with departed spirits, through the agency of persons commonly called mediums, by means of physical phenomena; one who attempts to maintain such intercourse; a spiritist." (Online dictionary). It doesn't seem to matter what medium (forgive the pun) that I plug that word into, but every search comes back with things about contacting the dead.... interesting, but not what I'm going for here.

So, here is my new meaning for the word SPIRITUALIST...

One who believes in the cultivation of a relationship with the divine or beliefs (in the instance that no divinity is believed in) and does what what is most fulfilling for the spirit and self, without harming anyone; and brings inner peace while promoting peaceful cohabitation with all walks of life.

I've changed my mind. I am one thing- I am a Spiritualist!!

Now, I bid you all good night so I can go finish my tea and head to bed!

Blessing to you all!

"Believe nothing merely because you have been told it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings -- that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide." The Buddha

A Newly Formed Decision

As seems to be the case as of late, I have been absent for a decent length of time. I'm really hoping that, when I finish my final class with school this month, that my "free time" for writing will increase and my stress level will decrease! Now that I'm down to one class though, I'm at least finding my days slightly more manageable then they have been in the past year.

Anyway.. I'm not here to go on about school. Honestly I'd rather not think about it constantly (even though I normally do).

So I have decided, finally decided,that is time for me to step down from my circle. There is finally someone there who is willing and able to take the circle over. I have not confided any of this in the rest of the circle, as I don't want to deal with the - "we don't want to loose you nonsense." The transition will take place around Samhain, as something in my brain is telling me that that is the appropriate time for this. I had an interesting chat with Isis, in regarded to my path and, oddly enough, my name. In the years that have passed since we did the magical name ritual, I have come to realize that who I am is no longer who I was and the name I was given is no longer my own. I was asking Isis about it, when I would know what my name was to become, as a priestess to multiple goddess, and where to go with these new changes. She, in her eloquent way, told me that I would not discover my new name until I freed myself from the role that was no longer mine to have and doing nothing more than holding me back from where I am meant to be. So, yeah, that is where I am at now. In addition to that, I have found myself as a part of a circle in Boise, one was started by a wonderful old crone who left another group after seeing what a load of crapola they were trying to pass off as a goddess path. The two of us and two other women are the whole group, and it is so wonderful and empowering to work with these ladies who are true to themselves and their craft instead of being bogged down by those who are content to be stagnant in their spirituality and more concerned about who has the better story, the funnier joke, or whatever. We typically meet twice a month, once for coffee, talk, and a "business meeting" and again at the end of the month for a goddess ritual. Last month we had a ritual with the goddess Juno, and next month we will be working with the goddess Oya. It's so wonderful and I feel so at home there, something I haven't felt at the base circle in a very long time. I've watched myself become more recluse with each passing month, and I don't like that... It shouldn't be that way, and wouldn't be if I thought circle was of any spiritual benefit anymore. I can say I'm looking forward to Samhain. And to answer a question I'm sure you've wondered at, no, I will not be going back to the circle for any reason. Should the new leader need advise or counsel, that is one thing, but I Will not go back t be a member to the circle after spending the past two years running it, loving it, and hating it.

Now, I'm not trying to bash the circle here, just that it is simply no longer my place. It happens. It will be hard, to be sure, but it is also necessary.

Just thought I would share this!

Brightest Blessings to you all!

For the sake of writting

So I was emailing with a friend today and had the realization that when I don't blog on a regular basis, my stress/level of distraction levels go up because of all the unnecessary clutter in my brain. Yup, I said it. BRAIN CLUTTER. Having come to this conclusion, I have decided to make a better effort to type everyday. Even it mean that I take a break from school (*gasp* I know, right). So, here I go!

I had the craziest dream back on Wednesday night, and the killer part is that I know its all true! I was leaving the building were we meet for circle, and, as usual, I was following behind everyone so I could lock up as we went. We had spent the lesson working on meditation and I was feeling GREAT! (Weird part is, that IS our lesson for this weekend... anyway...). We were all standing outside talking, and somehow we got onto the subject of flying. People were saying that flying was only possible in dreams or other realms and I remember looking at them and say no, the only this that keeps our feet planted on the ground is our own self doubt and inability to comprehend what we're capable of. So, to prove my point, I walked up to my car, climbed up to the hood, and just let go and jumped. There were some yells then a profound silence as I floated in the air, suspended by my own will and watched them collect themselves. I should point out that I didn't have "wings" but more of a opalescent shield around me. From there, I fell to my mom's house, and she didn't believe me when I told her why I didn't have the car with me, then I flew back home; that's the last thing I remember. For some reason (quite a few reasons actually) this dream was very profound to me. As it is, I rarely dream of flying, and the lesson was a strong one. We are our own worse enemy in life.
Just thought I'd share, as that dream has stuck with me all week.

Let's see.. what else...

Oh here's a fun one...
I have a girlfriend in Greece right now taking care of some military related stuff and we got to emailing back and forth the other day (I think it was yesterday morning), and she was telling me about this statue of Athena that she has acquired while on her trip. In return, I was telling her about some of my statuary (of Isis and Kuan Yin, respectively). She then asked me what statue I wanted from Greece, and she would send me one. Well, I had to stop and think about it for a bit because, while I know my Greek Mythology, I have never studied the path like I have others. So after a bit of reflection I decided on the Goddess Nyx. Now chances are that any book buff is going to jumped up and be like "Oh! She's from the House of Night Series!!" Yes, yes she is. However, while those being very good books (and with some amazing Wiccan/Pagan things in them that are accurate! Check it out here- Marked: A House of Night Novel) there is more to Nyx than what is seen in the book. As indicated by her name, she is the goddess of night, who was born of chaos, but is also the mother of light (among other things). The myth says the mother and daughter share a house together in the underworld while never seeing each other in it.
My thought behind that choice is easy. I have my goddess of light (Kuan Yin) and my goddess of balance (Isis), and it has actually been eating at me for a bit to find the prefect representation of the goddess of darkness. I could think of no better than Nyx (for me personally). My belief is that we all have a "dark" or "shadow" side that must be acknowledged, work with and through in order to start seeing our full potential in this life. My shadow side has been a battle at times, but I have finally gotten to the point that I can not only see it, but work with it when the time is right; so it is very important to me to have that representation.

Aside from the normal, I have taken up couponing. You know it. I've been impressed with how well it's gone (and how easily), so I'm excited to keep up with this! I actually can't wait to get my hands on the next Sunday Newspaper. =)

Well everyone, I do believe it's just about time to go brush and floss (because oral hygiene is VERY important), and head to bed! It's been nice to sit down and just write again. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved putting it all out there! Many blessings to you!

Pagan on a Diet

That's right folks, even pagan's go on diet's. =)

I spent the month of January purging my body of all the things of that I love... namely, anything that falls under the carbs, dairy, fat, and sugar categories (can anyone say Cheese Danish?!). This diet, called the HCG diet, took my normal 2000 calories a day diet and dropped it to a mear 500 calories a day. Yup. 500. So, now that I am off the drops and starting to up my calorie intake, I feel compelled to write a little something for my fellows who find themselves in need of shedding some pounds, regardless of it being for health reasons or just the desire to loose a few. And besides, let's face it, pagan's like to feast! I don't know about you guys, but when my circle gets together for a ritual we always have a potluck styled feast (everyone signs up for dishes in advanced so we don't end up with 3 cakes and a a thing of rolls!), and it is a very grand affair, with most people bringing two or three dishes with several servings available for everyone. It always ends with people taking home "doggie bags" of everyones food offering so it can be enjoyed again later.

So, to begin with, if you want to use the drops and check out the system I used, go to http://www.hcgkey.com/ . It really does work well, as I lost 12lbs in just over 3 weeks.

On to the recipes! Hope you enjoy!
Here are a few that I found to be lifesavers"

Mock Chicken Nuggets:
1 chicken breast
Yellow Mustard
3-4 Garlic Melba Crackers
Italian Seasoning to taste
a pinch of Cayenne (if you like some heat)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Take your chicken breast and cut it into nugget size piece then throw them in a zip lock baggies with just enough yellow mustard to cover them. Let them sit in the mustard and continue on...
Crush your Melba crackers (I use my mortar and pestle) so that they look like bread crumbs then add the seasonings. Mix well then use these "bread crumbs" to coat the chicken. Put the nuggets on a baking sheet and cook at 400 for 15-20 minutes (depending on nugget size).
Serve and enjoy! (recipe makes enough for 1 person at about 170 calories).

Whey Protein "Pancakes" (especially good when you want to eat bread, but can't):
1 scoop whey protein powder
1 egg
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla
Sweeten to taste (if desired) with Stevia

Mix all of it together, adding just enough water to get a pancake like consistency. Cook on a skillet that has been lightly dusted with Pam or some other cooking spray. Eat with fresh fruit or a sugar free/ low calorie syrup. (The whole batch is roughly 200 calories, depending on the brands used).

Chocolate Strawberry Shake:
1 Scoop Egg White Protein Powder (I used Egg White Protein Vanilla 24 oz from Jay Robb).
6 large strawberries (de-stemmed)
1 tsp baking cocoa

Blend it all together and enjoy! (about 150 Calories)

Beef "Taco":
4 oz Lean ground beef
1 Tomato
Taco Seasoning
Cabbage leaves

Cook the ground beef in a medium skillet and add in the taco seasoning. If you're worried about sodium, use the "less sodium" variety that's available in most stores or simple make your own. While the beef is cooking, take several large cabbage leaves and rinse them off, just lightly patting them with a towel to dry, and place them on a plate. Chop the tomato and set aside. When the beef is cooked through, add it to the cabbage leaf (like it's the taco shell). Put your chopped tomatoes on top, garnish with a little hot sauce if you want, and enjoy!

Happy Imbolc Everyone!

Today is Imbolc, as well as the New Moon! What a delightful combination, I must say. The sun is out for long periods of time, and even though there is still a chill in the air (a delightful 25 degree's here), you can start to feel the warmth of the coming spring. It is time to clean your house and start de-cluttering it, both physically and energetically, from the long nights of winter. Here are a few fun and simple activities for your Imbolc celebration:
Cleanse your house with sage (air/fire) and salted water (earth/water) and follow by anointing all of the doors and window frames with a blessing oil. As you do this, say:
With the purifying power of Water,
With a clean breath of Air,
With the passionate heat of Fire,
With the grounding energy of Earth,
I/We cleanse this space!

Here is a spell of personal purification that works directly with the Goddess Brigid:

A Spell for Purification:You will need:  3 candles of varying colors,
suggested colors: red, white, yellow --a bath oil of a warming spirit

Suggested place to do spell: Bathtub/Shower
 

Plan the spell for a time when you can be uninterrupted.
Quiet your mind the way you usually do.  Focus on Brigid's flame burning within your heart-center.  With each breathe this flame grows warmer and warmer and fills your entire body.  See, with your mind's eye, the flame from your heart now enveloping you.  Push the flame as far out of your body as you can.  Try to make it fill the entire room.

Once you have captured the image of the flame raised to where you want it, begin focusing on the things you want to bring in to your life now. Imagine yourself receiving these things before the Spring Equinox.  It may help to visualize a calendar with dates
-- be sure to see the numbers 2011!

When you have finished drawing your future with your mental magic-want, begin bringing the flame down and back into your heart.

Thank Brigid with your heart-light. Try to let the candles burn themselves out (never leaving them unattended).

Remember, no matter what you decide to do today, it is a time for new beginnings in all ways of life! So go purify your mind, body, and soul and jump into these new beginnings with a clean slate!

Blessed Imbolc Everyone!

A cleansing bath

Many of us, on our various paths, frequently partake in cleansing rituals. These rituals typically start with a bath (or shower for the witch-on-the-go) and are followed with a wide array of rituals and spell work. I got to thinking about these things which so many of us partake in and wondering if people actually take the time to think about what they are doing. Really. When you take a cleansing bath, have you ever really contemplated or meditated on the true meaning of cleansing? Or are you simply going through the motions in order to move forward with the following ritual or spell work? I can admit, I'm guilty of jumping into a quick shower, scrubbing myself down with a sugar scrub and asking Isis to cleanse my mind, body, and soul, then jumping back out of the shower, slapping on some make-up and running out the door. Let's face it, life happens. But, I challenge you, the next time that you are preparing for a ritual or spell in which you must first partake in a cleansing bath, to light a candle, some incense and put on good meditation music then crawl into a nice hot bath and really SEE and FEEL the cleansing. Don't just ask for it to be done, but see the dirt and grim of the day wash off your body. Feel the emotional weight and stress of the day melt away into the water. And, just as importantly, center your spiritual self. Find that divine spark within and feel it expand through your whole body. Remember, you are a child of the divine, whatever divine you believe in, and it is so, so important to be at one with that divinity and to have your spirit and soul cleansed of all that is not divine.

Go in peace, my dearest friends.
Brightest Blessings to you.

My role with a military circle

More often than not, my role within our circle is referred to as lay-leader. While, in essence, that role makes me the High Priestess of our circle, in no way does it imply that I am always the one teaching or the only one responsible for the happenings and care of our circle. We all provide "lessons" and we interact as a group of equals that are at different points along our various paths. Then, occasionally, I get one of those calls. You know, the ones that make you think "Ohhh crap. It's gonna be a long night." Well, I got one of those calls tonight, and it really made me stop and think about the unique position that I find myself in. The military, for those of you that are unfamiliar with it, has a certain protocol that must be followed if an individual is looking for counseling or guidance of any sort. While I have been put in charge of a "religious gathering" which makes me the churches equivalent to a pastor, and I am ordained like one, I still do not hold the same rights as one of the military chaplains. Why you might ask? Because there is no school that I can go to for a degree in Pagan Pastoral Care or anything like that. Yes, I could go through a Universal Unitarian, but that is still not the same thing. There is no specific "denomination" for me. So, while I am a High Priestess for my circle, I do not, under military rule, have the right to counsel and guide circle members should they call on me needing assistance. I can listen and offer thoughts and stories of personal experience, but I can not guide. It's an incredibly frustrating fine line to have to walk on the rare instance that I'm called to do so.
Just an interesting thought and realization for the night...

Good night readers- it's off to bed for me!

A New Beginning

Well folks, it's already the end of January, 2011. I swear I'm stuck in a time warp. Anywho...


I had a random thought today and decided to start my own pagan, witch-y blog. Yup. That's right. You will now be subjected to my thoughts on the pagan world, among many other things. Buckle your seats folks, it's going to be one heck of a ride!


Today my circle and I celebrated Imbolc together. I few days early, yes, but when most of the group is in the military, weekend get togthers seems to be our best option. So, we met up at 2 o'clock today for ritual and feasting. As always, the feasting was extravagant, with far too much food for the 15 of us that were there, with outrageous stories, good friendship and a lot of laughter. However, as seems to be a theme that is occurring more than I like, our ritual was lacking. That's not to say that it wasn't good, but it wasn't great either. The words written for it were well done, it was a shorter ritual but sweet and elegant. When I sit back and type this out, it seems that anyone who reads this could come up with a handful (if not more) reason's WHY it's like this sometimes. Spare yourself the brainstorming, because I can tell you why... Are you ready for it? Mindset. It seems that some of our members, particularly the ones that have been a part of this circle for many years now, have problems with coming into a ritual with the right mindset. Not only does it drag a ritual down, but it sets a poor example for our newer members. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for having a good time and laughing my butt off at a good story, but to me, when a ritual is being started, it's time to dawn the role of Priestess or Priest and take the work of the goddess seriously, not be goofing off in the corner because the circle has been cast and the "serious stuff" is done. Or is that just me being totally off? Our circle has amazing power when it's focused and in tune with itself, it just seems that more often that not, as of late anyway, it's not in sync and stumbling over the hem of it's own cloak.


Anyway! Enough of that!


The husband and I will be having a small ritual of our own on February 2nd. That one is bound to be fun, as I do love working magic with my man. I also have a great story to read to my little one about Brigit's Fire as we celebrate her that day. It's so fun now that she's getting older and starting to understand. We wave hello to the goddess (moon) every morning when we leave for preschool, and say hello to the god (sun) every afternoon when we come home. It really is the simple things in life.


Well, I suppose I'll sign off for now. Keep checking back and I will post the recipes from our yummy Imbolc feasting!