Tarot card for today...

The Eight of Pentacles
Straight from the lovely Stephanie's web page---
A craftsman, patience, care for details, absorbed in a project, seeking knowledge, pursuing a higher understanding. With diligence and patience, the Spider crafts her gossamer web. Dawn dusts an array of dewy stars across the threads. weaver weave a pattern:
weave a dream of summer musk;
weave the drape of autumn dusk. weaver weave a fate:
weave a life's frail anchored line;
weave the pale moon's waxing signs. weaver weave a web:
craft each silky precious thread,
artist's inhibitions shed.

Perfect for tonight's meditation. =)

Cleansing the Body

Late last week, with all the effort that I had been putting into cleansing my spirit and mind, I decided that I really needed to put that same effort into cleansing my body as well. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this on here, but I LOVE Dr. Pepper. Yup, it's my only vice in life (unless you want to count tattoos), and one that I enjoy dearly. However, this past weekend I went through a 48 hour cleansing and detoxing fast, consuming nothing but water and a special vitamin/antioxidant juice stuff that keeps the body rejuvenated. The first day, going without food was easy, but I had a killer headache by the end of the day from not having any caffeine. The second day, despite the baking binge I went on, I felt marvelously better and didn't feel the need to eat everything I was making. =) I broke my fast today, and I have to say that my body feels pretty damn good... I'm looking forward to meditating tonight with a clear mind, body, and spirit. I'm also hoping that this helps jump start me weight loss from having baby #2 as well. I can't deny, I'm anxious to feel good about how I look again. I know some people may think that is vain of me or something complete inconsequential, but what can I say? I know what I'm happy with, and it's with the size 6 Levi's sitting in my closet waiting to be worn again this fall.

On to other things...

My husband, being the wonderful man that he is, renovated the back yard from the wasteland my ex had allowed it to become, and, after the hard work, blood, sweat and tears cost, we have a thriving garden that covers about 1/8 of our yard (and the yard is rather substantial). I've got squash and cucumbers growing like mad, tomatoes out the ass and a variety of other veggie delectables. It is so wonderful to go out there every morning and wade through the leaves and flowers while hunting for the ripe goodness that is bound to be out there. I feel so grounded and at peace while I work out there, and my son loves to lay on the little trampoline we have out there and watch the leaves in the trees while I work. It has become our morning routine after I drop my daughter off at school for the day. I've come to discover that this routine is also my escape when I feel stressed out. If the baby is crying for no discernible reason, we can go outside and he chills right out. If my school work is getting the better of me, I just go play in the dirt for awhile. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm still a water and fire child to the end, but this garden brings me so much joy and fulfillment; I'm already planning the garden for next year, with the addition of some raised beds!

I think I'm going to do a quick card draw now...

Enjoy the rest of your evening (or day for those on the other side of the world!), and I will write again soon.

Blessings, light and dark.

A fresh start to a new outlook

First off, I want to say thank you to those who have commented on my posts, despite the age and length of my absence. Your kind words and thoughts have helped to snap me back into pieces of my old life that I want to continue with instead of weed out like I did with everything else.

I have been wanting to write on here again for some time- but, quite honestly, two kids (one of which is now only two months old), graduate school, and plain old house work have kept me busier than I like to be. Even now I should be working on my final that is due tonight, but everyone deserves a break!

The road of my life in the past year and a half of my absence has been full of turbulence, disappointment, and unprecedented joy. I will not sit here and recap it all, as that would take far more time than I can spare at this moment; but I would like to say after a year of neglecting my spirit and soul, I have finally started to find my peace again and have even started dreaming about deity once more. I am about to celebrate my one year anniversary with the man of my dreams, the one who I could not live without. I have a beautiful daughter who will be five next month and an amazing son who is now two months and two days old. He is a summer solstice baby. =)

I've learned more about myself than I thought possible, and I also learned more about others than I wanted to at times. But, the bottom line is, I'VE LEARNED.

I will be back on here again, now that I feel that I can. =) Again, thank you to those who have kept coming and reading. You are amazing. =)

Tonight I Write...

Ok folks- I was sitting outside and the words just came... 

Tonight I write for me, for you, for the world at large.

A single Soul on the Earth,

Is like living as one among the stars.

Every Soul encountered touches us in someway.

Be it good or bad,

Let it be a lesson just the same.

Some will come and stay,

Others merely passing through.

Always remember with fondness,

Those that have meant something to you.

When it is time to part ways,

Let it be in peace.

For you never know the true path

And the ultimate grand scheme of things.

Let the memory of the good be forever in your keep,

Take the feelings of the bad and lay them to rest in peace.

Life is too short to wonder why,

Always looking behind.

In doing so you cheat yourself,

Of all the greatness still to find.

Next time you sit beneath the stars,

A solitary Soul in this big world of ours,

Remember the choice in how to live

Is yours and yours alone.

Staying impassive when your heart cries

I've spent the last week learning a hard lesson... and it's one that had the potential to ruin something very beautiful. In my desire to protect and defend those that I love, I crossed a line that was not mine to cross. I planned, crafted and weaved some of the most amazing magic of my life, never thinking that what I was doing would be rendered entirely useless, and with the capability to be..... slightly detrimental, because the situation changed very dramatically and suddenly. Then, when it was... somewhat... brought to my attention (I didn't have all the details yet, which made that moment MUCH worse than it had to be), I opened my mouth and didn't think about the words being said until it was too late and the damage was done. The result? A few steps backwards and sideways... not a place I wanted to be... Ever. Now, after spending a weekend stuck in my own head and, quite frankly, being very worried and scared, I have come to re-realize something that I've always known and have always hoped to keep hidden. It is very hard for me to stay impassive and let things be/go when I'm in a hard situation with people I care about... While it is too late to repair some of the damage I've already done, it is not too late to learn, step back, and readress in another way. The hardest thing... I will have to remember to hear my heart without jumping into immediate action. It's a hard wall to put up, especially when it was a wall I willing let go of with the specific individual involved. But, I see now, that some walls, no matter how close a relationship (be it friendship, teacher/student, husband/wife, etc.) must remain in place, at least with certain situations... not only for the well being of the other person, but for the well being of the self. That is not to say that things will be hidden and/or denied, but it does mean that my tendancy to immediately vocalize will become more inwardly pensive before anything comes blurting out without good thought, and that I will (do my best) to not allow my emotions to rule me.. and that's saying someone for me, as the first 5 houses in my astrology chart are all Cancer. Beautiful, I know. LOL!

Anyway. I just needed to get that out there and off my chest.

My Promise to You (should you ever read this):
I will maintain the distance that is necessary until time allows otherwise... I will not garuntee that it will be easy, and that I won't ever put my foot in my mouth again, but damn if I won't do my best. I've asked for your patience before, and I ask again. I am only human.. and even with the work I've done to learn and know, I am CERTAINLY no where near perfect, and prone to make mistakes just as much as any other person- probably more than normal when it is an emotionally charged situation. I'm ready for one day at a time.... for as long as that takes.

It may be a path that is rocky, narrow, winding and steep at times, but I have faith of making it to the top as a team...

Under the Light of the Moon

Tonight, as I sat outside enjoying a few solitary and quiet moments of 'me time' I felt the urge to write- something that has avoided me like the plague here recently. So, join me in my moments of reflection while I sit on my front steps...
I sat down on my porch, looking up as I do every night to note the stars, the phase and course of the moon and the night air surrounds me. I realize that the moon is brighter tonight than it has been in awhile- most likely due to the beautifully warm day we had, followed by this cold and clear night. Looking at the moon, and seeing the way that it illuminates the earth around me, I see. I see that how the moon grows is how I find myself each day, and the way it lights things up tonight is a reflection of my own growing sight. With each passing day I see more, and have to wonder "what if" less. I am claiming myself and my gifts.The darkness is my friend, but the light of  the moon is a gift... As I sit and see, I note that my neighbors across the street have a candle burning in one of the bedrooms. It made me wonder if perhaps someone was enjoying a quiet moment of self reflection like me... or are they perhaps casting a spell or enjoying the touch of a lover? Who knows. The beauty of the moment is seeing the flame of the candle shine through the curtains that are used to shield ones-self from the outside world. Everyone's light shines through at some point. Then I look out at the house of the neighbor next to them- her front porch always reflects the colors and symbols of whatever holiday is approaching. Even now I smile at the bright green shamrock that is lighting her front window and the green light bulb in her porch light. She is always happy whenever I see her... perhaps she truly feels the lively spirit of each holiday as each holiday comes in and again departs.

Tonight is blissfully quiet.

The coming full moon is going to be potent I think.. I hope that everyone has a magical week in the days that lead to it.

Blessings!

Where to start.....

-- I don't know why this post disappeared, but its actually from mid-February!

The last few weeks have been exceedingly busy, but immensely enjoyable. Imbolc brought forth a very enjoyable, and quite informative meditation with Brigid. However, those details are messages for others, and it would not be right to share them here. The night of the full moon was beyond amazing, even if it was upset slightly about news of a friend diagnosed with bone cancer. I spent the morning making a candle- one like no other I have ever made. It was red, dark pink, and light pink (though the light pink SHOULD have been white, but no worries!) and contains several stones.

Even as I started working on that, I could feel the house humming and singing with the energy that was building. That night, I built a fire, lit my candles and turned on the drumming music for dance. It was a potent night that left me feeling fulfilled and accomplished, as I was able to charge the candle as well as send out the healing and peace energies that my friends needed desperately that night. It, in short, was beautiful and powerful.
I spent Friday night learning, which was a nice change from teaching, and today I feel like a new person. I spent today traveling and exploring the middle of no where with a friend, spending a good majority of that time walking by a river. There was a triangle of trees there that was exceptionally powerful, and I found myself climbing one of the trees to leave an offering for whatever it is that resides there. Though much of the area felt lonely, it wasn't a sad loneliness, but one of pensive solitude. We picked up several stones while there, all of different colors, shapes and sizes, and all of which spoke in different ways for different reasons. At one of our other stops, which was at a gorge that was immensely deep and lined with a river along the bottom, we happened to see (i.e. we had the shit scared out of us by) a sage hen. Apparently seeing them out there is a rarity, which means that it was a lucky day for us! Really, it was a simple and beautiful day spent in the wide open with someone that I didn't have to worry about forcing conversation with or feeling silly around as I let some of my eccentric ways run wild! I love being outside and completely away from civilization. It gave my time to enjoy my own thoughts and to be close to the mother without having to run around after the kiddo or worry about the general population interrupting me.

I hope that everyone is having a wonderful weekend, and that you are feeling blessed!